Letting Go
by Shi-Angel1
Summary: Syaoran left ten years ago. After a long period of depression, Sakura has now moved on and lives with Eriol in a large flat near the college they both attend. One day, Sakura gets a letter from Syaoran asking for her back. Eriol realizes that if you love


Hello minna-san! ^_^ Sudden inspiration : blame Dai-chan. I certainly am. ;)  
  
Daisuke: Hey! I resent that!  
  
Shi-Angel: =P Too bad. I'm the author so what I say goes! BWAHAHAHAHA~!  
  
Daisuke: ~_~;;;   
  
Shi-Angel: ^__^ But anyway... back to what I was saying. Like I said : sudden inspiration and it wouldn't leave unless I wrote it... so... *points* This is what I can up with.   
  
It's sweet 'n' sappy 'n' angsty (Daisuke: ^___^). Syaoran has been gone for ten years and Sakura is now 20. After a long period of depression, she has now moved on and lives with Eriol (who can back from England) in a large flat near the college they both attend. (No, they're not married or anything.) One day, when the sakura are falling, Sakura gets a letter from Syaoran saying he's sorry and if she'd have him back. Eriol realizes that to love someone you must also be able to let them go when it's the time, so he offers her a plane ticket to China, to finally talk to Syaoran, face-to-face, for the first time in 10 years.   
  
.w.a.r.n.i.n.g.s : E + S (blame that on a story that got me hooked on that pairing! ^_^), mentions S + S, mentions of S + M, and OOCness -- expect that in many of my ficcys... .  
  
key:   
  
+ - scene change  
* * * - time change  
* - scene change within the "flashback"  
/.../ - remembered conversation. Kind of like a flashback but only the words  
//...// - thoughts  
"..." - speaking   
  
R & R minna! (Pleaaaassseee??? I write better when people tell me nice things about my ficcys~!)  
  
  
  
  
l e t t i n g g o  
  
  
  
  
/Gomen, but I have to go./  
  
Subdued.  
  
/Aa./ Pause. /It's your duty to your family, ne?/  
  
softly . sadly . angrily  
  
/They're my family. I *have* to do this!/  
  
impatience . anger . indifference  
  
/But... what about our love./  
  
hurt . pain  
  
/I have a fiancé./  
  
embarrassment  
  
/a... fiancé?.../  
  
shock . anger . pain. breaking . anger . pain . anger . pain.   
  
h u r t i n g  
  
/Yes. Before all this./  
  
indifferent  
  
/W... who?/  
  
sadness . hurt . pain . anger  
  
/Meiling./  
  
short . abrupt . cold   
  
/Meiling?!/  
  
confusion . surprise . sadness . pain . anger . hurt  
  
/Yes. So now I'm leaving./  
  
restatement of fact  
  
/... leaving .../  
  
shock . hurt . pain. anger . sadness . tears  
  
/Yes. Good bye. Forever./  
  
gone . cold   
  
/...good bye... forever .../  
  
...f r e e z i n g...  
  
...s a d n e s s...  
  
...s h o c k...  
  
...a n g e r...  
  
...p a i n...  
  
...h u r t...  
  
...t e a r s...  
  
/Good bye. Forever./  
  
repeat . repeat . repeat . repeat .  
  
...r e p e a t ...  
  
/Good bye. Forever./  
  
breaking . breaking . breaking . breaking  
  
...b r e a k i n g ...  
  
/NO!/  
  
too late . too late . too late. too late  
  
...t o o l a t e...  
  
/Good bye. Forever./  
  
repeat . breaking . repeat . breaking  
  
...c o l d...  
  
...h u r t...  
  
...t e a r s...  
  
+  
  
/Good bye. Forever./  
  
It repeated in her mind like a mantra, each time sending waves of pain, loss, and *hurt* throughout her mind and body.   
  
/He never loved me./  
  
That hurt even more.  
  
/He's gone. Left me./  
  
It struck her, again and again. Each time she thought it, it seemed like she was just learning that information for the first time.   
  
As the sakura snowed past her window, Sakura was curled in a fetal position, rocking back and forth, sobbing her heart out. She twined her hands together and cried.  
  
/All that is left is pain./  
  
She sobbed; she had believed him. Trusted him. Loved him.   
  
And he left her.  
  
When the sakura fell, her heart was broken into a million pieces.  
  
She twisted her hands, and then untwisted them again. She blinked in surprise and a white-hot light flared across her skin and made her hands glow. It made her forget her sorrows in curiosity, for a few seconds.  
  
/Good bye. Forever./  
  
When the sakura fell, so did the tears.  
  
+  
  
"Sakura?" Eriol watched the twenty-years-old woman clutch a letter in her hands, crumpling it. "What's wrong?"  
  
"Eriol!" Sakura spun around, trembling slightly. Not enough for a normal person to see, but Eriol was anything but normal, and Sakura was dear to him.  
  
"What's wrong?" He asked again, while walking towards her.  
  
"N - nothing." She stuttered, trying to look anywhere but his eyes.  
  
"Sakura."   
  
"H- he sent me a letter." She said softly, eyes still downcast. Eriol frowned.  
  
"Who...?"  
  
"Syaoran."   
  
They stood in silence, and Sakura finally met his eyes, and Eriol could see the different emotions warring in her soul.  
  
"So after ten years of silence he comes back." Eriol said, and turned and walked away. He knew it wasn't exactly the best thing to do at the moment, but he could be losing the most precious person to him right now, and his input would be extremely biased.  
  
He could still remember the hurt Sakura had been feeling after Syaoran had left her.  
  
* * *  
  
Eriol had returned to Japan, not exactly knowing why. He had felt... something... but he didn't know what. And it was driving him nuts, this not knowing. When people had as much power as he did, as well as the memories of a past life, not knowing things was just down right wrong.  
  
Nakuru had been ecstactic, she loved Japan and couldn't wait to see "Sakura-chaaan" again. Suppi-chan hadn't cared very much one way or the other. Kaho-san had decided to stay in England and would be traveling around.  
  
"Class, I would like to introduce our new student from England, Hiiragizawa Eriol." The teacher was introducing him. That wasn't anything new. He took the time to observe the class and the students. His gaze landed on a familiar auburn, emerald eyed girl. The Card Mistress. Sakura.  
  
"Yoroshiku Onegaishimasu." He said politely. Sakura was staring at him in surprise.   
  
"Hiiragizawa-kun, take the empty seat behind Kinomoto-san."  
  
Eriol took his seat, wondering exactly what was missing when he realized the seat he was sitting in was supposed to be Syaoran's. And he had not seen Syaoran anywhere within the class.  
  
He'd just hace to ask Sakura later. The teacher was starting her lecture.  
  
*  
  
"Eriol-kun! Over here!" Sakura waved, as genki as ever. Eriol smiled slightly at the energetic girl.  
  
"Arigato, Sakura-san."   
  
"It's no problem!" She smiled cheerily.  
  
Eriol frowned. //Something isn't right with that smile.// He thought worriedly, but he couldn't figure out what.  
  
"Hi, Eriol-kun! I didn't know you were coming back." Tomoyo smiled but watched him with worried eyes. "Is there something wrong that we should know about?" Eriol shook his head.  
  
"Iie. Nothing's wrong. I just liked Japan better than England. And Nakuru definitely does, too."  
  
"How is Nakuru-chan?" Sakura asked.  
  
"She's fine. She decided she didn't want to go to college yet so she's gone out shopping and Suppi-chan is trying to get her to buy him something sweet."   
  
Sakura nodded sympathetically at him. Eriol paused, not quite sure if asking his next question was the best choice...  
  
"Where's Syaoran? I haven't seen him, and I can't feel his power..." Eriol trailed off, watching Sakura stiffen and Tomoyo wave her hands around, trying to get him to shut up.  
  
"Syao - *Li-kun* - left for China a month ago. I - *we* - haven't heard from him since." Sakura said quietly, eyes downcast. Eriol didn't miss her word changes.  
  
"Aa..."  
  
//So this is the pain I felt... the distress... Oh, Sakura...//   
  
//It may have been only been a month, but you're hurting like crazy. How *could* you, Syaoran?// He and his clan may be his descendants but that didn't mean he had to support them in what they did.  
  
"But it's okay!" Sakura grinned, albeit a little weakly.  
  
//Always trying to make everyone happy, even at your own expense.//  
  
"Aa." Eriol smiled back, hesitantly. "Here, Nakuru wanted me to give this to you." He held out a fine golden chain with a small, golden, star, pendant dangling on it.  
  
"It's beautiful! Arigato Eriol-kun!" Sakura threw her arms around him in a hug.  
  
"It was Nakuru's present."  
  
"You can't lie to me!" Sakura grinned and flashed him a V-sign. "Although I'm pretty sure you couldn't figure out what to buy for me so Nakuru-chan must have helped you out... I'll just bring some cookies over, all right?"  
  
"..." Eriol was speechless. Sakura just smiled a real smiled.  
  
"Arigato!"  
  
* * *  
  
Sakura watched the sakura fall. Everything had been happy before Syaoran left... before this letter came. When Syaoran left, she had been in a huge depression but had refused to let it show, not wanting to hurt her friends and family. It had been so *hard* to keep up the act, Touya, Tomoyo, and Kero could read her better than anybody, but pretending to be happy and well seemed to work... barely.   
  
And Eriol had come. And he saw through her deceptions and lies and misery. He comforted her and let her cry and talked to her and let her talk. He had helped her through everything and had kept everything a secret. He became her confidante, a best friend, and she loved him for it. And then...Syaoran...  
  
Syaoran sent her a letter. After ten years of silence he sent her a letter. Asking for her back. Asking for forgiveness.   
  
She didn't know what to do. What she was feeling.   
  
//Could it be... I never really got over him?// The emotions were confusing, she couldn't pinpoint any specific feelings, just confusion and a little stop where her depression had started from.  
  
//What do I do?//  
  
Despair, that was what she was feeling. It wasn't a new feeling, just something she hadn't felt in a long time. Not since Eriol had begun to comfort her.  
  
//Why couldn't he just leave me alone? He breaks my heart... and now...//  
  
Sakura sniffed. She didn't want to cry, but the tears were slipping down, and she couldn't stop them.   
  
//I promised myself I couldn't cry over him! Not anymore! No more!//  
  
She curled into a ball.  
  
//Eriol-chan... where are you? Why aren't you here? When I need you the most...//  
  
* * *  
  
Sakura ran up the stairs to her room, where she could have some peace and quiet before having to go back to pretending. Pretending was hard, but it was worth it if it kept her friends and family from worrying. They shouldn't have to worry about her. She threw herself on her bed and buried her head in her pillow.   
  
//I just wanna go to sleep and not have to worry about anything or anyone for the rest of my life.//  
  
"Sakura! Someone's here to see you!" Touya called up the stairs. Sakura groaned to herself.  
  
//Can't any of my wishes come true, just once?//  
  
"Coming!" She called down the stairs.   
  
Walking down, she saw a *very* annoyed look on her oni-chan's face.  
  
//Must be a boy then.// She thought, knowing that look *very* well, especially since Touya-chan had been giving it to just about any boy eyeing her. "Eriol-kun?!?" Sakura asked, shocked.  
  
Eriol smiled up the stairs at her. "Hai. I wanted to know if I could talk to you..."  
  
"Erm... h- hai."   
  
"You'd better not try anything *funny*." Touya whispered to Eriol.  
  
"I won't." He responded simply, smiling at Touya's sister complex.  
  
Even with his reassurance, however, Touya watched him walk all the way up the stairs and into Sakura's room.   
  
"Your brother is a little scarey."  
  
Sakura giggled. "Hai, oni-chan can be scarey." She agreed. "He must be *really* scarey, though, if he scared Clow Reed!" She said while winking.  
  
"Err... right..." Eriol just barely kept from blushing.   
  
"Why are you here, Eriol-kun?"  
  
"I wanted to talk to you."  
  
"Talk to me?" Sakura asked, confused.  
  
"Hai. You may fool everyone else, but you don't fool me. I'm sure you don't fool your brother either, but he doesn't know how the approach the subject." The experience from his past life certainly helped during times like these. Other times, it was a pain in the ass.  
  
"Ho - hoe! Nothing's wrong! I'm fine! See?" Sakura spun around and smiled.  
  
"Sakura."  
  
"I'm fine!" She protested, eyeing her door.  
  
"Sakura, I *know* you're not okay."  
  
"I'm fine! Really!"  
  
"Sakura."  
  
"...I'm fine..." She said again, this time softly and without much conviction.  
  
"Talk to me. I won't tell anyone and it'll help take some of the pain away."  
  
"Eriol-kun..." Sakura blinked, tears were forming at the corners of her eyes. "Arigato..." And she spent the rest of the day, and many others, talking to him and he listened and responded.  
  
* * *  
  
Eriol held the phone in his hand, wondering what exactly was the right thing to do. He loved Sakura and would do anything to make her happy.   
  
Even give her up.   
  
But that would hurt, hurt so much, because when you fell in love with a star, there was no one else you would ever want.  
  
//This is the right thing to do.// He thought firmly, giving himself a little more courage.   
  
"Hello, how may I help you?"  
  
"Yes, I would like to see how much a plane ticket to China costs?"  
  
+  
  
"Eriol?"  
  
Eriol looked up to see Sakura watching him apprehensively. "Hai?"  
  
"Where were you today? I haven't seen you at all until now..."  
  
"I was making a phone call." His voice was still cool, indifferent. Because he was looking at anything but Sakura, he didn't notice her flinch at his cold voice.  
  
"Oh. Who were you calling?"  
  
"That's not important. This is." He handed her an envelope.  
  
"What...?" She opened it and pulled out a ticket. An airplane ticket. To China. A *one-way* ticket. "Wha... what?" She asked again, confused and hurt.  
  
"I want you to go back... to Syaoran..." Eriol turned away.  
  
"Eriol-chan! I thought you said you loved me!"  
  
"I *do*, Sakura-chan!" His voice was harsh with the anguish of a tough decision. "But I know you love Syaoran more. Wasn't he your first love? And now... now... you have a chance to be with him. I only want you happy." The last part came out as a whisper. His breath came out in short gasps.   
  
"Eriol-chan..." Sakura was clutching the plane ticket so hard it was become a crumpled paper ball.  
  
"Don't lose that ticket," was all he said before walking out again.   
  
//I don't want to lose you... but I want you happy.//  
  
+  
  
Eriol watched the sakura fall, pretty pink petals drifting lazily to the ground on a beautiful, sunny, spring day. It had been ten minutes since the arrange flight to China had left and Eriol felt his loss keenly. He began remembering everything that made Sakura, Sakura.  
  
Her smile.   
  
Her laughter.  
  
Her eyes.  
  
Her kindness.  
  
Her beauty.  
  
Her hugs.  
  
Her love.  
  
Her heart.  
  
And a million other small, insignificant things.  
  
//Thank kami-sama Nakuru and Suppi-chan and Kero and Yue don't live with us. I wouldn't be able to deal with them right now. I hope Nakuru doesn't plan on visiting today...//  
  
This had been the year Sakura and he had moved in together for convenience as well as love. Since they were going to the same college who didn't have enough dorm rooms to accommodate their students and because Touya and Yukito had suggested it (with many, many threats... at least on Touya's side...) they decided to rent an apartment.  
  
//I didn't want you to leave... but I don't want to hold you back.//  
  
"Eriol-chan."  
  
"What?!" Eriol whirled around in surprise to see Sakura standing behind him with a solemn expression on her face and holding out the airplane ticket. "Why are you still here?" He asked; his voice cracking slightly.  
  
"You've been crying." She said, avoiding the question and staring pointedly at the tear-tracks. She placed her hand against his cheek and wiped the moisture away. "Why?"  
  
"Why didn't you go to China? Back to... Syaoran."  
  
"Eriol-chan! Don't be silly! You're such a baka sometimes, you know? Even if you do have Clow Reed's memories!"  
  
"Eh...?" He stared at her in surprise.  
  
"Hai! You are! You can't really believe I'm going back to Syaoran after all these years, do you?" Sakura crossed her arms and mock-glared at him. "He left ten years ago and I got over him ten years ago... when *you* came back."  
  
"Sakura..."  
  
"Shush! I'm not done yet!" She held up the plane ticket. And promptly tore it up. "You should really believe me when I tell you I love you! Hmph!" Her tone turned softer. "Eriol-chan, have more faith in yourself and your love. I won't leave you because of Syaoran. And this only makes me love you more because it proves that you'd do anything to make me happy... even if it isn't exactly what I want." She grinned.  
  
"Sakura..." He hugged her, pulling her close as if to convince him this was real, that it wasn't a dream.  
  
"Aishiteru, Eriol-chan. Zutto aishiteru."  
  
"Aa. Aishiteru."  
  
When the sakura fell, her heart healed.  
  
  
  
  
A/N: 1. This story... I don't know *why* but the ending really aggravates me... *grumbles* Definitely not exactly one of my better works... *mutters* not that I *have* any... ^.^;; I liked the way it came out overall tho... but... #2!  
  
2. Eriol is *seriously* OOC... *siiiigh* Gomen nasai Eriol-chan! .  
  
3. S + S fanatics... um.... don't flame me?  
  
Shu: *snorts* Like they'll listen to you.  
  
Shi-Angel: Shaddup! *ahem* Anyway... Since I didn't stick any pairings on the summary you can't blame me for your reading it!  
  
Shu: ... implications!  
  
Shi-Angel: . Meanie! =P (All right, fine! Flame me! I'm just gonna ignore it anyway! ;P)  
  
4. Does Sakura seem a little OOC...?   
  
5. I'm running out of things to say...  
  
Shu: *snorts*  
  
Daisuke: *excitedly* What did you think?  
  
Shi-Angel: *hugs him* It was sooo sappy I loved it!  
  
Shu: You shouldn't be able to make opinions of your stories.  
  
Shi-Angel: I usually don't like the way my stories turn out!   
  
Shu: never mind..  
  
Shi-Angel:... there *was* something else I wanted to say... oh right! In my other story "rainy days and older brothers" someone thought the story was a little incestuous... it's not supposed'ta be! Just a little sisterly-brotherly ficcy between Touya and Sakura ('cause I think Touya's sister-complex is cute! Seriously!)  
  
Little translation notes:  
  
gomen - sorry  
sakura - cherry blossoms (a.k.a. Sakura! XD [Shu: No one got that...] {Shi-Angel: ~_~* Shut up!})  
yoroshiku onegaishimasu - actually... I forgot what this means... -_-;;;;; I *think* it's a polite way of saying "Nice to meet you"... or something like that...  
arigato - thank you  
genki - energetic/full of energy  
iie - no  
aishiteru : I love you  
zutto aishiteru : I love you forever/forever, I love you  
  
Review pleaaaassseeeeeee~!!!?? Pretty please? *big puppy eyes* I'll give you candy~!! ^_^ 


End file.
